superrrrrrrrman!

One sunny day, Superman was flying around Metropolis looking for something to do. He spotted Spiderman and flew down to him. "Hey Spiderman, what are you doing today?" Spiderman replied that he had a broken webslinger so he couldn't do anything. Superman continued flying around Metropolis and spotted Batman. Batman told Superman he couldn't do anything because he needed to fix the Batcar. Superman began flying around yet again and saw Wonder Woman lying on her back, naked on top of a Metropolis building. Superman thought to himself that if he was faster than a speeding train, he could fly down and screw Wonder Woman before she ever knew what happened. So Superman flew down, screwed her faster than a speeding bullet and flew away. Wonder Woman then said, "Hey, what just happened?" The Invisible Man rolled over and replied, "I don't know but my ass is killing me!"

first time

My first time ever:
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever...
At milking a cow.

the saddest thing!!!

"Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a big posse that time and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home." Again, the young man said "I can't print that either. Has anything ever happened around here that made you sad?" The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed and after a few seconds looked up timidly at the young man and said, "I got lost once."

The useless....

Eve wakes up in the Garden of Eden and looks herself over: Two legs, two arms, two hands, two feet, three breasts . . .
``Hey God,'' says Eve.

``Yes?''

``I don't get it _ what's with this third breast in the middle of my chest?It's useless.''

God thinks for a moment, then tells Eve to go back to sleep.

A little while later she wakes up, looks down, and sees that the third breast is gone. But when she looks up, she notices a man standing in front of her.

``Hey God,'' says Eve, ``What's that?''

``That's Adam. I made him for you.''

``How did you do that?'' she asks.

God pauses then responds: ``You know that useless tit . . . ''

is windows a virus ?!!!

Is Windows a virus?:

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:

They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So, Windows is *not* a virus.

Job title

Heard this morning on local radio station KQRS:


A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.


The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."


He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"


The woman replies, "I'm a whore."


The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."


The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."


"No, that is still too crude. Try again."


They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."


The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"


"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

little birdy

One day there was a man in the park playing with his wang. A little girl walked by and asked him what he was doing. He said that he was playing with his birdy. She said O.K. 3 hours later the man woke up in horrible pain and asked what happened. And the little girl was next to him and said "Well i was playing with you birdy and it spat back at me. So I broke its neck, crushed it's eggs and and set its nest on fire.